Give your friend the kind of books you like, or that he likes. And give him food, because grieving people often forget to buy groceries or to eat. Don’t worry about specific books: people can find what they need in anything. Help by being around when you can be, and by doing practical things.
I love that Neil answered this by saying: “people can find what they need in anything. Help by being around when you can be, and by doing practical things.”
Rather than offering to do something, it’s often better to do anything. Instead of asking if there’s anything we can do, we just need to do something specific. The best approach is to say, “I know you’re going through something awful, terrible, and traumatic. I’m coming over with dinner tonight. Is that OK?“
Wanting to help isn’t the problem, it’s wanting to feel useful and helpful that’s the problem. When someone is hurting you need to check yourself out of the picture, it’s no longer about you, or what you can do. It’s about the person who is hurting. You need to accept the fact that there may be nothing you can tangibly do to help that person - and if you can’t accept that then you need to take a step back.
The best way to intersect (and counteract) another’s grief, trauma, and pain is to give that person a strong sense of identity and belonging.
Nothing practical is insignificant.
